I have been thinking a lot about my post this past Thursday, as well as the radio show Thursday night. On the show, we discussed safety issues in the giant teeming mass of students and 20-somethings that is Halloween on Franklin Street in Chapel Hill. The groping and grabbing that takes place during this celebration is unfortunately not uncommon. I have heard many women complain about being the victims of frottage (SAT word!), pointing out that it has happened multiple times to multiple people, regardless of how the victim was dressed or whether or not she was sober. And yes, as one caller was correct to point out on Thursday, this is not a unique problem isolated to Halloween. Frottage, or frotteurism, is especially common anywhere there's a crowd: malls, buses, subways, busy sidewalks, et cetera. Though we should of course condemn and prosecute the people who commit these acts, I would also like to bring attention to how our society helps normalize and excuse this behavior.
Two years ago, I wrote a letter to the editor of the Daily Tar Heel, UNC's student newspaper, about the problem of groping on Franklin Street on Halloween. In the article, I acknowledged my own history as a victim of groping on Franklin Street and proceeded to condemn both the perpetrators and the DTH Editorial Board for suggesting that it should be my responsibility to wear conservative clothing in order to avoid being sexuallt harassed or assaulted.
The responses to my letter were outrageous and quite frankly terrifying. The letter generated over 100 anonymous comments, many of which were direct attacks on me. There were a few recurring themes in these comments:
First, many said that I was an idiot who shouldn't have been let into UNC in the first place if I were so stupid and naive to believe that this wouldn't happen on Franklin Street. Because apparently we should expect men to be incapable of following the law. (And that opinion isn't insulting to men how exactly?)
Then of course were the commenters who thought I deserved what I got for dressing the way I did. I guess girls who wear short skirts are asking to be assaulted, people who carry cash in their wallets are asking to be mugged, and people who open their windows are asking to be burglarized -- there certainly can't be any other reason for those behaviors, right?
And then, in a similar vein as above, there were the commenters who thought I should be ashamed of myself for carrying on in such a slutty fashion on Halloween or any night. The culmination of that trend was a three-page message sent directly to my Facebook account from someone I had never met before about how I should be ashamed of my behavior and manner of dress because it was a sin against God and furthermore, it was making the author's walk with Jesus more difficult. Reading this message actually rendered me speechless, an unprecedented occasion in my life, as I sputtered through a long list of thoughts and emotions. After shifting quickly through incredulous, offended, a little scared, and shocked, I settled on outraged. I had no idea that it was my responsibility to ensure that other people had an easy time following their own personal religious doctrine. Nor did I realize that I regularly dressed in revealing clothing as I walked across campus -- that was news to me. And, by the way, I have changed my Facebook privacy settings since then.
The outpouring of hateful and offensive comments in response to my letter prompted a campus-wide debate. Letters streamed into the DTH, carrying on the debate on the opinion page for a week. And the Carolina Women's Center even hosted a forum on the topic, concerned over students' responses to the issue.
Two years after the ruckus, what I take away from the issue is how quickly men and women jumped to the defense of people who were breaking the law by sexually assaulting women. I still am completely shocked and appalled at the number of students who not only didn't think it was a big deal, but were much more eager to blame the victims than to hold the perpretators accountable. When I first started working against sexual violence (in what we often just refer to as "the Field"), I had no idea that a debate existed. It seemed pretty simple to me -- any sexual action committed without the person's consent is sexual assault and is, therefore, illegal.
This culture of victim blaming and normalizing sexual assault is just another example of sexism run rampant. Sure, women have made huge gains in society in the past 30 years. But we are very far away from being able to say that we've achieved gender equality. All our attitudes about sex and especially female sexuality are affecting how we view sexual assault and therefore, how we treat rape survivors. Women are pushed into one of two stereotypes: the innocent and pure feminine, or the sinfully eroticized slut. Every time a rape case is brought forward by the media, part of me wonders which character the media will force the victim into. If her family and friends can say that she was involved in church and charities, that a drop of drink never passed her lips, that she wore long skirts and cardigans... then she's the innocent little girl, and all of society will rush to her defense. But if there's not sufficient evidence of her religious charity, or if one picture surfaces of her drinking a beer, or if one piece of clothing is found to be too revealing... then she's a slut, and all of society will rush to defend her rapist. Female sexuality is so discouraged -- while male sexuality is so encouraged -- that if any woman reveals herself as a sexual being, she will probably be blasted in the media and on internet comment boards. This ideology crashes head on with the opinion that men are so sexualized that they can't control themselves, and it was probably that jezebel slut who seduced him and then cried rape. (And by the way, the FBI estimates that only 2% of rape accusations are false, which is a similar rate to accusations of other violent crimes.)
So what can we do? We know women are held to unfair standards, which stands in the way of justice. Juries won't rule in the victim's favor if they deem her to be too drunk or too sexual. Between that sexist ideology and the fact that most cases don't even make it to court in the first place, the vast majority of rapists walk free and never see a single day of jail time. We also know college students treat sexual assault as a joke, or worse, as nonexistent, seeing only a bad one night stand in what should rightfully be termed 'rape.'
Though it sounds like left-leaning wussiness, the answer is education. In the same way that students are constantly bombarded with messages about the dangers of drinking, they should be bombarded with messages about safe and respectful relationships. We should have formal educational programs, such as the HAVEN program at UNC-Chapel Hill and Duke, in which student advocates are taught a crash-course in basic facts of interpersonal violence as well as providing support and resources to victims of sexual violence. The College of William & Mary also offers an impressive intiative on Sexual Assault Resources & Education, which includes an extremely informative and interactive website, multiple student groups working to end sexual violence, and a peer education program. An even better educational program that all colleges and universities should offer would be an educational segment on sexual assault awareness and prevention in every new student's orientation process.
We should also encourage more informal educational experiences, what many workers in the Field are now dubbing "bystander intervention." We need to teach students to have the self-respect and self-confidence to do what is morally right, rather than follow the crowd. More importantly, we need to teach them how to safely intervene in dangerous situations, like telling a roommate that his or her date looks too intoxicated to be engaging in any sexual activity, or correcting a friend when he or she engages in victim blaming. Tips on how to intervene can be found on the William & Mary site, at Virginia Tech's Stop Abuse website (including their awesome Bystander "Playbook"), at the University of Kentucky's Green Dot Campaign, and more recently, at UNC-Chapel Hill's Green Dot Campaign, a spin-off from the Kentucky site.
What do you think? What programs or initiatives does your school or alma mater offer that I don't know about? Comment on this post and share your resources and ideas!
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