"Nice guys finish last." It's a mantra that's echoed through many a young man's head in the face of dating adversity, but there is assuredly little to no truth to it. And I'm here to tell you why.
When we first get to college (or even high school for that matter), most guys and girls immediately have their dating radars on. It's instinct: you're all in a new place, there are all these new people, and you undergo some serious sensory overload. It's tortuous really. It's a fascinating thing to watch as an upperclassmen, seeing all of the freshman guys jockey for positioning, attempting to be the wildest one to woo their female counterparts. But what on earth demands that we be wild to attract women?
It's an instinct that's born out of a desire to stand out and exude that air of confidence that women are looking for in their men. But the wild guys come with a particular caveat: that rowdy confidence they're demonstrating goes by another name as well... cockiness. It's confidence's shallow and baseless evil step brother, and it will always fall flat on its face at some point.
Cockiness, to its credit, delivers a certain amount of appeal to women, but it by no means "crosses the finish line." As you go through school, you'll notice time and time again how the shallow cocky guy will almost certainly find himself in a revolving door of meaningless relationships, and if that's the goal for you, best of luck. This article is for the nice guy.
Nice guys fall into two general categories: "confident guys" and "victims of being nice". We'll begin with the latter. Chances are, if you're still reading this article, you fall into one of these two categories, and most of us have definitely spent some time being a "victim of being nice." This victim-hood mentality goes hand in hand with dating-related depression. "Victims of being nice" invest so much time and effort into demonstrating how nice they are and then complain to anyone that will hear it that their efforts are to no avail. That last move is called a sympathy bid, and you'll see a lot of guys who cite their nice guy difficulties to their closest female friend. If you read that and are thinking, "Yep, that's me," then I'll tell you right now... stop it.
Women have a ridiculously keen sense of confidence in men. They can tell when a man is insecure with themselves, and nothing says insecurity like a cry for help. You see, it isn't being nice that's holding you back from your dating success; it's your utter lack of confidence in yourself.
This may sound like a far-fetched and worn-out sentiment to a guy that considers himself a "victim of being nice", but if you heed these words and make the transition to "confident guy," you will find that this whole dating game is A LOT easier than it originally appeared to be. Women will fall all over themselves for a guy who can exude genuine confidence about themselves while maintaining a gentlemanly attitude. Being nice pays off in spades, I can assure you of that.
What good would you be as a dating partner if you don't work on yourself first? Have some convictions, try new hobbies, and focus on being successful in class. Women will begin paying attention to you in no time. As much as dating is often a direct goal, it can really be amazing how successful dating is achieved indirectly and nonchalantly.
If you take anything away from this lesson today (and believe me, it's a lesson I learned throughout school), remember that women are looking for the confident guy. Recognize your own value, focus on developing you for you, and the rest will easily follow.
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